How We Can Stop Judging and Start Living - Daigan Gaither

We become disconnected from our actual lives when we’re constantly trapped in a cycle of judging every feeling we have. 

Here Daigan Gaither invites us to look at how we often dismiss our own pain by comparing it to "first-world problems" or the greater struggles of others. He shares his own journey with a "neurospicy" brain and rejection sensitivity, explaining that when we tell ourselves our feelings "aren't real" just because they have a biological cause or aren't "logical," we’re actually distancing ourselves from our lived experience. Daigan reminds us that if we feel it, it is real, and our practice is about learning to "experience the experience" while we’re actually in it, rather than getting lost in exhausting layers of thoughts about our feelings.

To help us move closer to the front of that mental "train," Daigan offers several key insights into how we can soften our self-judgment and live more authentically:

• Kusala and Akusala: We can look at our thoughts and actions through the lens of whether they lead us toward liberation or away from it.
• The Healing Power of Noticing: Just as a physical wound heals when we stop picking at it, our emotional wounds can begin to pass when we simply notice them without trying to weigh or force them into something we think we "know".
• "What Else is There?": Instead of making our entire lives about one feeling of rejection or pain, we can practice asking what else is present in the moment—like the air on our skin or the sounds around us—allowing us to be a whole person having a whole experience.
• Fluidity of Self: By understanding that "no-self" means we are constantly changing, we can stop trying to hold onto a version of ourselves that no longer exists and instead break up the "concrete" of fixed views that keep us stuck.

Ultimately, he encourages us to stop using our practice as a way to increase judgment on ourselves and instead simply allow ourselves to "have a day," trusting that each moment is a new chance to connect with reality.

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Rev. Daigan Gaither (he/him) began Buddhist practice in 1995 in the Vipassana (Insight) tradition, then began studying Zen in 2003. He received Lay Ordination in 2006 where he was given the name Daigan or “Great Vow,” and received Priest Ordination in July 2011. 

Daigan speaks internationally on a variety of topics particularly around gender, sexuality, social justice, and their intersections with the Dharma. He also sits or has sat on a number of boards and committees that serve community needs and further social justice causes.

Daigan has a BA in Philosophy and Religion from San Francisco State University, and an MA in Buddhist Studies (with a chaplaincy certificate and a certificate in Soto Zen Buddhism) from the Graduate Theological Union and the Institute of Buddhist Studies. He lives in San Francisco, CA and identifies as a disabled, queer, white, cis male. Learn more at https://queerdharma.net

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CREDITS
Audio Production: George Hubbard
Producer: Tom Bruein
Music/Logo/Artwork: Derek Lassiter